I’m In Love With This Pen, I’d Kill For It

A Monster of a Writer Lives Here!! – I Told You Not To Click!!! –

 

I believe in my words, as you do fairy-tales. One day a silver lining shall prevail over all of my darkness. But until then, I shall cut clouds azure veins and make it rain blood-red, twirl underneath something so passionately beautiful, I need you to see what is inside of me; what I am capable of doing, become tantalized by the colours of my soul. This page is writer’s stage; I’m sacrificing myself to the music of horrific words for your entertainment only. I’m leaping from buildings and drowning in an oceans currents, currently at the end of this pen I am immortal; nothing can stop me for achieving this deathly desired gift from life, turn the page and gain a paper-cut from me, even my words feed on your blood.

 

monster-writer

Keep going, Alex. Keep going! Show them all what you can do with words, out write them all, have them think twice about you! “Who Said That!!” Shuddered the writer, his fingertips quake over the space-bar and mouse.

 
Bite those fingernails down to the bone, keep going and swallow your arm, for this one idea you are looking for. They have gangs and hordes armed to the teeth, you laugh through your teeth and bring forth an undead alliance with the real monsters of this unnatural world, watch them cross you now, forever is all you have to get ready for war, luckily we are not men of the cloth.

 
Every word is a brick, so you say; are you building a new home for a new life? In my eyes, Alex, you are only another brick in that wall, the one that is holding up all of your foundations, do you not know that you are supposed to space your life out evenly. Hahaha! Mr. Broken!

 
I’m trying to escape from this haunted house from my bedroom window, the room has started to bring all of my nightmares to life; but as soon as I do I am dangling from my ankles from the windowsill, the evil is keeping me here. The whole neighbourhood has come to have a gander at something more damaged than them. Don’t help, I’m not scared to be dragged under this bed again. The monster under my bed ate the monster in my closet, there is no comfort within home. Come live with us, Alex, you are one of us.

 

the-monster-undre-my-bed

 

I like the idea of becoming a writer; you can’t blame me for believing in it, I’m a dreamer. No colour but so vivid, so close as I hand-slap myself away from grasping it. Maybe it’s not for me? Maybe I’m holding this pen wrong? Even if I have to steal the sun and use it as a bargaining-chip to ensure this dream doesn’t flourish away into the back of my mind as another failure, I will!

 
This pen is my Excalibur, with so much calibre that when I write people board up the doors and windows to make sure the evil I conjure doesn’t come knocking. Nothing grows upon the pages I write upon, death lives here, the birds migrate around me and wind changes direction to ensure it doesn’t come in contact with my shell. Something’s cannot be explained, plus the mystery brings in the readers.

 

I’m in love with this pen, I will kill for it.

 

leave-this-book-alone

 

They have tried to stop me from writing before; the priests came for tea and they tied me to the bed, they asked me cease and I projectile vomited all over them. I’m still chuckling. This is my way of exorcising my demons, do not read; do not think, close this page; they will come get you.

 
I only have one question. When is enough – enough? When will I know I have reached the end dark adventure? If I scream through my words would you be able to see the stream down my face?

 

 

You’ve made it this far down, leave a little LIKE & COMMENT! Thanks…


 

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Sick & Tired

I’m sick & tired of being poor,
I’m sick & tired of being beaten-up and shown the floor,
I’m sick & tired of not having enough food,
I’m sick & tired for always asking for more,
I’m sick & tired of all of these doctors’ meds,
I’m sick & tired of these voices in my head,
I’m sick & tired of my job,
I’m sick & tired of living for less in this mess,
I’m sick & tired of my past,
I’m sick & tired of always coming in last,
I’m already sick & tired of my future,
I’m sick & tired of being white trash,
I’m sick & tired of not being a writer,
I’m sick & tired of having to be a fighter,
I’m sick & tired of having no views,
I’m sick & tired of being a live-wire,
I’m sick & tired of my evil deeds,
I’m sick & tired of no one dreaming of me,
I’m sick & tired of being sick & tired,
It’s worse than you know, believe me.

Continue reading

I am Wild Boy

I am Wild Boy – Part 1

My mother’s face was a blurry smudge within my memory; luckily I don’t remember her; Dad spoke in his sleep and what he did to that poor woman… He didn’t leave her with much of one when we fled from her murder scene. I do remember the car trip though; I sat in the back seat swaying side to side while he drank bourbon driving away into a permanent foggy madness. I sat clutching a half eaten cookie in my toddler Parker jacket next to a duffel bag of Pistols, Rifles and enough ammo to put shame on any small war faction.

 

We were on the run from our old life to build a new-one off the grid, way to the backend of vast frozen nothingness which was our destination and where we were to begin our survival training. He told me he built this cabin for me and mom to come to when the world had gotten too much for us. It was tacky and crooked but it kept the rain and snow at bay and held warmth when the cold-rolled in. Dad evolved into a bedraggled ragamuffin, me, I transformed into a wild boy. Our own filth and stench was covered by rotten animal carcasses.

 

There was only so much I could do as a child but he took me hand in hand on hunts, sometimes he even allowed me to deliver the killer-blow to our prey. As the years shredded the photo memories of me and my dad, I grew into a routine machine; he called me his ‘special weapon’. Up before dawn crept upon the valley of forestry shadows, the aim was to kill, train, hydrate, train, eat and rest. I know nothing else.
We agreed to put off the childish treatment, so when hand to hand combat was the training for our afternoon, he laid into face until I bled and swelled. But he was getting on in life so when my muscle formed harder, I made sure I put him on his ass. Knife throwing, dismantling and assembling Guns and Rifles, martial arts, body and mind endurance, hunting, tracking; I became a black-belt in it all. In all honesty, I forgot about the world which scurried along beyond our tree line, when I hit my mid-teens I did think and wonder if there was anything else within my world as I sat on the edge of a mountainside or stood at the top of the trees gazing at the sunset.

 

One winter my father fell down with a bout with what he called pneumonia, he stopped his training, sleeping and eating; his breathing became erratic and body shifted to weakness. He couldn’t do much, so I trained by myself, hunted by myself, ate by myself, he died and then I started talking to myself.
I left his body within his room, I never stepped foot beyond the nail jagged door frame. I was now the King of this vast plant and animal life; the routine was I had and knew, so I pushed on further into the year of kill or be killed by the unknown.

 

Several Years Later

 

If I knew what depression was I would find it happily. Before ever daybreak I would sit in a couch position at the edge of my father’s bedroom door, perhaps he will wake up today. I wait until the sun’s ritual breath edged over the window ledge before I would do my daily bidding until the eyes of the dark skies blinked at me. Fearless to the predators and elements, they must sense something dark within me. The morning was skin nipping from the cold but the idea of victorious kill kept my blood steamy. I head towards the feet of the humongous wet-white hill, the deer huddle and graze within this area. A family a nestled nicely next to small stream which lines through my land. I would never think of harming something scrawny or motherly, I have my sights set on the papa-deer. I clutch my hunter’s blade in my hand; my eyes do not stray, before I move a muscle I think of the kill in every way, good or bad. Small rocks which collect at my feet, I pick one up and I subtly throw it away from the deer, so their attention would be towards the possible predator.

 

At the last few seconds before I sliced into my prey, a thunderous roar echoes throughout my valley. There are no storm clouds wandering above the trees. The deer scamper far into the tree line. A gargantuan wheeled hog type creature hurtles into my view at the other side of the trickling stream. Is this a new animal I have never seen?
Four men heavily armed with shotguns exit the hog. They are each dressed like greenery, perhaps to blend in. I scurry on my belly closer to get a better look. Dad always said people may be after him, could this be them? Could they be here for me? Are have they come to disrupt my kingdom and steal my food? One thing is certain, if they have, no four shotguns will stop be defending what I know.

 

I will recon for now and make a decision when the time is right. Keep your knife to your side Nick, it’s all you have.

A Letter To My Future Children

Hey kids, this Dad.

 
This is a letter to my future children; a small light upon my all darkness. I know Alex is already here, but I wrote this for when you’re a little older to understand things.

 
I want to tell you the story of my life before you were even born, so you know what I was like around the age you are now. First off, dad was a mental patient; the worst time of my life, I almost lost myself which could have reflected on you never being born. But I want you to know, you are my legacy! You will help our blood carry-on, as well as our family name “Kennedy” We have a creative gene within our family, if you do not have it, your children will.

 
But Dad was a player at one point in his life, he loved the ladies, yes I did. I was never this way inclined before, I couldn’t talk to women before, I missed that chunk of my life when I was mentally-ill but I caught up and overtook all those that believe they could talk and dazzle the ladies. And I have loved some stunning women; some hurt me and some I left with the ache. But every one of them I did love. I have my feelings in the right place now and have tried to build bridges.

 
Now my writings, here we go, my words are all I have; they were all I really had. I write to make sure that when sunlight finally does blush upon your skin, you will not be born into poverty like me and my brothers & sisters were. I want you to know what life is, I don’t want you to be a spoilt brat like some children I see on movies and TV shows. I want you to work for things so you know about self respect.

 
Now your Grandma, my mother, is the strongest person I know. She is my evils kryptonite, she backs it away with logic and riddles, the doctors stuck to a script and it didn’t work for me, but she saved my life. She has been through her own wars, which I can see in her eyes. Look after her; we don’t have many people like that on this planet. People are too hectic in nature; no one smells the roses anymore, unless their I-Phone 5 can squirt smells under their noses.

 
Now please don’t judge me through my writings, it’s my process to keep the voices and urges at bay. But I know I will be proud of you, I will write the most amazing things this world will ever imagine so that you can have the proper upbringing. I will not stop. Yes, I have a dream and there are certain things I would like, but I must work and fight for what I want; you must do the same.

 
I am not sure exactly sure why I am writing this, but this is just in case there is an accident and I am no longer Earth bound or I have lost it completely and there is no cure for my madness; if that is the case, do not come and visit me, I do not wish for you to see me in that state.

 
But I will continue to write for you, even if I die, I will send you secret scrolls from Heaven.

 
I will love you forever.
Dad

How to Out-Writer Other Writers…

Using words only have a certain effect on people, but you are trying to amaze people with words, aren’t you?
Here are a few tips to further your work.
• Study Poetry and Song Writing.
• Hook their eyes.
• Find Better words.
• Figure people out.
• Say, Said, Replied and Shouted
When you become a pro at these writing styles you will open up a form of writing, such as poetic views.

 
1. Instead of writing. “Her hair was red.” You can write. “Burning with fire she spiral spins, each lash of her hair lets off burning embers.” This shows you have giving something mind-numbing a life and that anything can be a character.

 

 

2. CATCH THEIR EYES! “Suicide, Suicide on my mind, all the time, everytime I close my eyes, I always think of suicide, suicide on my mind, all the time, everytime I close my eyes, I always think of suicide.” ~ Chorus from a song I wrote when I was seventeen, but it is powerful not only to hear but also to read, it says alot about what is going on.

 

3. Your language bores me. Spice things up, would you? Your quintessential plethora of pastiche will transform you into a gilderoy beyond anyone else. – But make sure you don’t study the thesaurus and only use the words because you can; there is a time and piece of paper placed for that manner. Don’t just use a educated word because you can.

 

4. Learn the basics of Psychology. Body language is always a good key to write about. “Scratching his head before the light-bulb turns on. He turns on his swivel chair to mirror her.” This will give the reader a truer feel of characters.

 

5. Say, Said, Replied and Shouting. I HATE THESE WORDS! If I can get around not using them, I will. But I know if I cannot, atleast I tried. “Help me!” James Storms over the fists of the ocean. See, it gives a broader picture than James Says, doesn’t it?

 

 

These basic rules will help you drag in new readers to your work, there are more but I will post them at a later date.

 
Keep those pens busy….

 
Alex.

 

Why Mental Illness Can Save Someone’s Life

So I’m crazy. The doctors drilled it into me, mom and dad wept for me, brothers and sisters didn’t pick on me and friends stayed clear of me. Can you blame them? But we’re all a little crazy, the world is one big mental asylum and all the countries are personal padded cells for all nationalities. But in this day and age, broken is the new fixed.
And for me as a warped minded writer, this gives me a certain advantage over other scribblers out there. Yes, they have fancy educations. Yes, they have big bank accounts. Yes, their daddies know the right people and connections. But no, they do not have a genuine gift as I do. Yes, I am poverty ridden, broke to pockets seams. I failed high school, except for English. This is where I triumph.

I do remember heading to school once; my feet sprawled out on the top deck of the double-decker bus. I was having major headache recently, but I hide it well because I had no one to complain too. I was still a geeky teen in high school. My bus stop was coming up and I stood and shaking I walked down the bus aisle. As I reached the stairs blackness hit my eyes and the next thing I knew I was on my back covered in cuts and bruises and a bus full of people laughing at me. I made a hasty retreat from my embarrassment.

That was the first time I blacked out, this was the onset for something dark coming into focus readying itself to consume me. I at never played truant from school, I always did the right thing, which made me a target for the bullies. I never wanted to be this guy but this is the result of my history that shifted my geography, since then my mathematical problems doubled, tripled and quadrupled and within my science all I am left with is the P.E. I learned that made me run away with a pipe-dream for bad English and dark-side of the human anatomy and biology for my evil fiction homework.
But as my good behaviour shifted into a bad attitude, I felt I gain control of myself, finally. No longer was I a robot stricken by routine. And when my imagination hit me between the eyes, I concocted a devilish plan, use what I have and write everything you can.

Now this is easier said than done; especially when you have no money, no help and no readers. First thing was first, I needed a computer. I needed money for a computer, I needed a job. For a job I needed the right grades, which I didn’t have. Shop work it is (I am still working here by the way.) So now I have my computer, a little money, not a lot but hey, we writers have to start somewhere.
But if it wasn’t for my mental illness, I’m sure I would have given up on my life a long time ago. So now I plod on with my damaged baggage dreaming of something I can only imagine.

But I am sure, as long as I jot down all I can and keep reaching out to people, one day my dreams will come true. I am working on my second novel, which will shock the pants off this world, but I know you will enjoy it.
And I am still blogging short stories and creative writing; from time to time waving my poetic pen across the paper for you too.
So keep reading.

And keep your pens busy.

Psycho for life!! Haha!

Alex

The Experiment – Part Two – Emotions Run Deep

The date was unknown. Where to start? Probably my earliest memory; all I can remember is a white room with an enormous blacked out window, the door to the room was camouflaged within the wall. I know I was a child as I do remember throwing my building blocks and my favourite book, the dictionary, at the window once in a tantrum. To this day I still have no idea what was behind that window. Well being in that room, it wasn’t a room; let me rephrase, that cell, I thought that those 12 feet were my world. All that existed within my world was me and the person within the white spacesuit, who came in to give me more medicine, my three meals a day, studies and sleeping injections.

 

The room in which I lay at night was completely white but over the years my own writings and highlighted words from the dictionary became tacked to the wall.
My hands threap the edging of the book, lost within a love I have never read before.
“How are you feeling today, Flynn?” A deep voice puts forth from beyond the window.
I slowly drag my eyes from Shakespeare.
“I am rather contempt and affable today, sir. I would like to finish reading about these two people, if you please.” I voice in an almost susurrus tone, it was probably the drugs.
As I sway from page to page, Shakespeare showed me something that I had never felt; lachrymose was inclined to set in. How can these two fictional characters have a love far greater to that of real people? This pleasant idea turned truculent within me, gnawing at my very soul, I was a puppet to this idea of love which had me dangling from its hands by my heartstrings. In the words of Shakespeare, I was afeared from this affect, my heart had bollen and beteemed as my snuff was sniffed and now inside I ululate.
Still sitting on the edge of my bed, I was about to commit a suicidal emotion dip within my endless routine. In the corners of the rooms are piles on piles of books, ranging from all genres. Will I ever witness such an event of love within myself? The book debacles, it leaps to its death before I do. My eyes widen to reality.
“Flynn, your heart-rate is rising, we are sending someone in to give you some medicine; you need to calm down, please.” A speaker voice; his words seem scripted.
“Calmness! How can you ask such a thing from me? When I have never loved, you would calm such a soul who has never lived within another’s heart. That is the greatest of evils!” I hail at the screening.

 
The door automatically opens, with a flick of my wrist the door wafts shut. I charge at the window, trying to punch a hole into darkness.
“I am the monster and you are my creator. No one could ever love me, not if I am a genetic mistake, created by phony gods. What am I? What am I?”
I stop my attack and collapse to my knees, my open hands squeak as they are dragged down from the window, to the depths with me.
“Why? Why am I on my knees when she is out there, out there without me? She cannot be far, and she would not hide, not from love.”
I will fight for love.
A few second into my hurt.
“Flynn! It is Doctor Watson, if you tell me what is troubling you, I will be able to help.” A female voice erupts from the murmurs of males voices outside.
“What am I, doctor?” I blubber.
Either she will hide me from my reflection she holds in her hands or she will show me something with horns.
“You are a very unique person, an advanced military experiment, one with so much uncontrolled power, we must contain it or the entirety of our planet could be at risk, you understand, don’t you? Flynn.” Her voice is the bible to me.
I slump in my self-loathing ability. The door opens ever so slowly; I do not even make eye contact with it. The doctors head spirals around the frame, the door gradually opens as she enters; there’s is four men behind her, dressed for the occasion, all in black, from their boots to their gloves to their hand guns, they are pointing. The doctor is a middle-aged woman, red furious hair, heavy red lipstick, just by looking at her; you know she had plans of power behind those eyes.
“Am I the prince of the story, which is trapped in the tower by the witch?” I make known above the flashing red lights, outside my room.
She escalates down to my level to her knees, picking up my right hand and stroking it.
“No, no, no. You are much more than that; you are the king of a new world, a new world that has not caught up to your class, yet. Do not think of yourself as a prisoner, Flynn. Bars mean nothing to a king, when he is expecting his thrown.” Her manipulating tongue shackles me for now.
“What if, it was not a kingdom I wanted to rule; what if, I wanted to rule the emotions and thought process of a woman and vice-versa.”
I see belief in her eyes.
“Then in time, you shall. Give us more time to help you. When I was a little girl my mother used to say to me, what is for you will not go by you. And I waited and waited and worked, and then you came into my life. You were what I wanted.” She wipes away one of my tears.
“What is for you will not go by you? – Does that mean, whatever route I take or however long I wait, I will get what I deserve?” I see a shine spark from her words within me.
“Yes, whatever you do, or how you do it, you will find what you are looking for. Okay.” She rises to her king. Her hands rested at her side of her white overalls.
She wants my blessing to her phrase for her frame of mind, but her words are crashing cataclysmically underneath my blood, that now runs cold, until that one warms me up.
“I am so sorry, doctor.” I gently give into fate.

 
I hold up my palm and aim it at all the people. They are all violently thrown backwards and are pinned against the wall in the hallway. They try and struggle their way away from the wall.
A stentorian alarm shudders through the entire building; the red lights invoke a life again.
“So no matter what I do, or how I do it, I will find love. Thank you, doctor; you have really opened my eyes to what I must do.” I confidently say to the paintings.
With my loose hand I point my palm at the door at the end of the corridor, hopefully a way out from this horror show. Multiple doors are swung open to reveal a dark opening at the end.
“Goodbye, forever.”
I scape for a world unknown, but that was fine, as I did not know myself that well either; the idea of finding out three things made my legs move. Outside, myself and her. I reach the end of the red tunnel, out of breath. The echoes of orders and roaring engines take refuge within my ears. Two giant torches from towers are shown upon me. My left hand goes up to cover my eyes as I glimpse through the recesses of my fingers.
An army is presented in front of me, one willing to die from me to stay. I had never seen a helicopter before, only read about them; now from page to reality, one is pointing a turret at my curious nature in the search for love.
“Please! I am just looking for love!” My heart pleads as my words bleed.
Through all of the chaos, I see it, the moon, so big and so bright in the middle of the sky, with a blank expression, watching my life as if it were on a screen. I come off my feet in awe to such beauty.
“Will somebody please shoot him?!” I hear the doctor’s voice.
All of the pellets come whizzing by me. Angry, I close my fist and aim for the moon, no armies there.

 
Soon I am above the facility and the shooting stops being a sound, only the whoosh of air by my ears. I see a darkened cloud and throw myself into it, my arms wide open, trying to blanket myself in it. A line, that must be the end of my world beyond those trees, where the cities roam and towns trudge, I want to go there. I fly towards it so fast, all of the trees beneath me blur in my hurry.
A thunderous roar comes further on, I can just make out the blinking lights of what seem to be from a plane of some sorts, then a flash of light from under the plane is emitted and a slight screeching sound is brought towards me, along with a pipeline of smoke, a missile. Light/Black.
I do remember I was falling from the sky, am I an angel? Angels do not feel this pain, just close your eyes and go to sleep Flynn, soon you will awaken and you will find her. Into the forest I go, into the wild.